My brain needed a break from all the things at lunch today. It was tired of the electronic screens and noise, so I took my lunch out on my deck. It took my brain a few minutes to slow down. It was ready with the defense to “What are you doing?” with a reply of “Nothing”. It’s been a long dramatic week, and my brain needed some “nothing” – I thought.
I remember sitting on my Dad’s porch asking him that question and being too impatient to sit there quietly for very long before I determined I had things to do. But if things ever got too chaotic, the first thing my brain would want was to just go sit on his porch. I don’t think I realized what I was longing for.
As I sat on my deck, I felt the chaos and noise start to fade away. I had turned on the fountain and my brain keyed in on the soft sound of water falling. Then I noticed the warmth of the sun as it came out from behind a cloud. It’s a comfortable day. I could feel my body loving that vitamin D. There was a slight breeze, and I could hear a neighbor somewhere down the street mowing his lawn and kids playing. Happy laughing kids.
A morning dove started calling and then a cardinal. I guess there have been other times I did “nothing” where I identified the calls. A robin landed in the yard and sparrows and some big bugs came for a drink in my fountain. It hasn’t rained in a few days – they seemed happy for the fresh water. I took in the lushness of the trees and grass, and watched a squirrel run across a branch and jump from one tree to another.
There’s a lot going on in that “nothing”. I guess I hadn’t let my mind have space and time to realize just how much goes on in just a few minutes. My brain stopped trying to problem solve, and list make for all the things I would “do” later. It just started to let me “be”.
I watched the clouds move slowly across the sky and remembered trying to find shapes in them as a child. I slowed down my eating and started noticing the individual flavors in my food that I normally “scarf” down so I can get back to “doing”.
My dog poked her head out the doggie door and checked out what I was doing. She determined I was being boring, and pulled her head back inside. She came out to join me later.
I’m getting ready to retire and not having enough to “do” is a little scary. I think I’m ready for some time “being” though. Some time noticing all the wonderful blessings God has given me that I don’t pay attention to, like the singing of birds and how they get picky at the bird feeder and toss the less desirable seeds down to the ground. The squirrels and bunnies love that. They looked me right in my eye and tossed that stuff off. It makes me smile.
I have a whole new season of life coming up. No more lists or firefights at work. Nobody asking me how I’m planning on improving my skills or how they can communicate better. I no longer have a performance review to worry about not being perfect on, or where I have room to grow. I just get to “be”. All the fake drama of earning more for our shareholders – that’s gone. All the worries about how we’re doing this quarter, gone. The need to pick up the slack for coworkers who are falling behind, that’s gone. The need to mentor so that when I’m gone, they’ll be successful, those days are almost over. I’ve had a great work team though, and I will miss them.
It’s almost time for me to sit back and just be. Just be creative, or lazy, or learn something new, or volunteer to help serve, or to just spend some quality time binging a new series on Netflix with my favorite people. Will we travel, maybe. I hope so. Will we hike on green trails, visit waterfalls or sit on a beach? Definitely. Will we be at the zoo a lot, I’m sure we will. We love the zoo. Suddenly there’s time. Suddenly the chaos is a choice. Maybe it always has been, and I just chose unwisely.
But it’s almost time to really dig into that “nothing” and see how much fun “being” can be.
By Vicki L. Pugliese
Introspective Sojourner 
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